Today someone in our circle died. It was not unexpected, it was calm, painless and peaceful. And my response was to handle it, staying busy getting "things" done. Funeral, forms, faxes. Calls to family, friends.
It wasn't until this evening that I took a moment and told her that I hoped she was with her dog and all the pain of life was over. I always ask everyone I know who dies - how is it over there? (Just curious). I didn't get anymore of an answer than I ever do - but I am bull headed, I keep asking.
But, it made me realize that we keep being busy because we plan to be around tomorrow. Because the consequences of not doing "things" is so great. Or so we perceive it to be. And, I have to wonder, the last time she thought about it, I wonder what "things" she thought were important.
I would like to learn from life's moments. Good. Bad. Happy. Sad. I would like to take something from them. Perhaps I am looking for something beyond the "things" on my lists.
I have just finished working tonight - getting "things" done. Ready for the sale tomorrow, watching my aged pets and wishing they were all 2 years old again. And the "things" I wish about are that I had paid a little more attention to them every day. That I had stared up at the clouds for many more years, that I had found the ultimate food that made me close my eyes and and make obscene sounds.
Most of all, it made me not want to die wishing I had spent more time enjoying life rather than getting "things" done.
It made me believe that I might not be as goal oriented as I thought. Or I might be seeing the meaning of my life this time around. Or I might be getting old. All of these are acceptable to me. But I have a feeling that if I knew the end was close all these "things" would be filtered out and life's little messages would come in to fill this faux view of life.
Hope all is well in your world tonight and that you enjoy your tomorrow.
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